connection

unravel ~ 07.28.07

"Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude." ~Martin Luther King Jr.

"Do all the good you can
To all the people you can
In all the ways you can
For as long as you can." ~D.K. Moody

"In the American marketplace today, 70 percent of the people who leave their jobs do so because they do not feel valued." ~John C. Maxwell - There's No Such Thing As Business Ethics; There's Only One Rule For Making Decisions

p.o.v.

I happened upon a documentary on PBS tonight. "P.O.V. : The Chances of the World Changing", is something to see. It's about writer turned conservationist, Richard Ogust, and his quest to save several hundred turtles from extinction. But there's something more to see here, this man puts himself out there -in the rawest of ways. His passion pours out of the very fiber of his being, more of us should be like him. If you have the opportunity to see it, this film is worth your time.

"I think the film is really about a man whose compassion is so enormous that it leads him into a strange phase of his life, where he's really struggling to figure out how to contain what he feels like he should do about this crisis that he's discovered." ~ Eric Daniel Metzgar (filmmaker, The Chances of the World Changing)

yard art

Foliage with a lovely flower atop ~ 07.17.07

Snapdragon hugging the house ~ 07.17.07

Out of focus grass, abstract art ~ 07.17.07

"Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least." ~ Goethe

photo thursdays @ cac

This month I'm hosting Photo Thursdays over at Create a Connection. I posted this week's challenge late last evening, and already Catherine from New Zealand has posted some really beautiful and interesting weather photos. I can't wait to see what everyone else comes up with.

catching up

rain moving in ~ 06.25.07

moving at a snail's pace ~ 05.25.07

point of view

"Don't serve the time. Let the time serve you." ~Paris Hilton

This is remarkable. Anyone who has looked through my blog knows that I love quotes. Though I never imagined I would be collecting such a profound quote by Miss Hilton. She is, of course, referring to her time in jail. Though the words actually could relate to many circumstances, depending on the point of view - as always. Ebb and flow, clearly she's on a journey - like the rest of us.

made my day

Such a wonderful, beautiful, round box! ~ 05.23.07

This beautiful, round box - filled with goodies - came in the mail today as part of the Box Swap over at CAC. (thanks nyjlm! I love it.)

"Just living is not enough said the butterfly. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower." ~Hans Christian Anderson

reaching

portrait of a mini rose ~ 05.18.07

"Ethics is about how we meet the challenge of doing the right thing when that will cost more than we want to pay." ~The Josephson Institute of Ethics

journey

Mama & babies ~ Monroe, WA ~ 05.17.07

4PM today: I'm sitting in my car, waiting. A field of long grass and weeds in front of me, in a way it is beautiful. Out of the corner of my eye, I see something moving along the edge of the parking lot. A mother duck and her three babies waddling along in the long grass. Mama ducking her head, seemingly trying to make the group less visible. She was sneaking. The babies, heads bobbing, weren't following suit - just bobbing along behind her.

I grabbed my point & shoot digicam and followed them, but kept my distance. The mother seemed to be trying to loose me, so I didn't follow them long. I wanted to though. I wanted to follow them all evening, to find out where they were headed.

Still now, hours later, I wonder where they ended up. And if they crossed a nearby road safely. I can't think of any water near where they were, or in the direction they were going. I've managed to convince myself that they will be fine, but I still wonder where they were going and where they had been.

"There's harmony and inner peace to be found in following a moral compass that points in the same direction regardless of fashion or trend." ~Ted Koppel

h2o

water in a bottle ~ 05.15.07

remember

"It is astonishing how short a time it takes for very wonderful things to happen." ~Frances Burnett

mail call

Some days I let myself wonder as I step toward the mailbox, what might I find inside? Will there be a letter or card from someone that I love? Or might it be bills and catalogs? Yesterday, the post contained a special delivery.

A beautiful handmade journal, created by Marta ~ 04.23.07

Inside it holds a surprise on each page, quotes. I love quotes. This bounty was brought as part of a journal swap over at CAC. Thank you Marta for the truly lovely journal!


"Readers are plentiful. Thinkers are rare." ~Harriet Martineau

above & beyond

cloud ~ 1:32PM ~ 04.14.07

clouds ~ 5:05Pm ~ 04.14.07

sun breaking through ~ 5:08PM ~ 04.14.07

give me a hand

My hand ~ 04.12.07

Thursday is Photo Day over at CAC. The subject this week, hands. This is my submission. : )

obscure

Clouds with potential ~ Redmond, WA ~ 04.11.07

light & shadow

Evening clouds ~ Duvall, WA ~ 04.10.07

a good day

Easter basket bounty ~ 04.08.07

Easter daisies ~ 04.08.07

Long tree shadows ~ Alki Beach, Seattle ~ 04.08.07

Rocks on the beach ~ Alki Point, Seattle ~ 04.08.07

Seagulls sailing on the sky ~ Alki Beach, Seattle ~ 04.08.07

Skyline through artwork ~ Olympic Sculpture Park, Seattle ~ 04.08.07

Spring in your step

Blue sky + clouds = thoughts of Spring (rain?) ~ Above Bothell, WA ~ 040507

The Thursday challenge photo for CAC.

2:44PM

Rameses sends a grimacing stare as I try to lean back on the couch, "Yeah, it hurts", I say. He seems to be aware of the pain that is piercing my back, but it's much more likely that he's ticked because I don't give him kitty treats whenever he askes. He's gained quite a bit of weight the last three months. Short of training him on the treadmill - we've decided less treats and smaller portions at meals might help.

There are times when he's staring at me that I think he's trying to use ESP in an effort to persuade me to supply more food. Seriously, I think he may be frustrated by his inability to brainwash me.

deepest, darkest ...

Look deep, deeper. Keep looking. What do you see? I see a light, shimmering light. It comes and goes, follows it's own path. Then there, look. Shadows playing with the light - teasing. Where one goes, the other follows - on a parallel mission. Fishing for something or leading us on. Appearing joined at the hip, it's a ying and yang thing, an ebb and flow -a team at work or maybe it's play.

blossom

Spring in bloom ~ Bothell, WA ~ 03.31.07

I saw this bud opening up today, and thought it fit perfectly with the quote Seren proposed a just few days ago. So I made a portrait to share here.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~ Anais Nin

orange kitty

orange kitty waiting ~ 03.30.07

There's an orange kitty that lives in our neighborhood. We love him. He always wants to come inside and visit. In the evenings, on non-rainy days, he sits and waits on the front stoop for us to come home. We've been told his name is Charley, but we call him Orange Kitty - he seems to like it.

portraits of a daisy

pink daisy ~ 03.30.07

pink daisy ~ 03.30.07

Trader Joe's has a good deal on flowers, I usually pass them by. Today the pink daisies were calling my name, so they came home with me.

"Three keys to more adundant living; caring about others, daring for others, sharing with others." ~ William A. Ward

words

People that you meet on the street;
Sometimes seem to keep up with your heartbeat.
Then silence, not a peep.
Makes you wonder, is there really any easy speak?

change is good

I saw a preview for a new airplane today (the 787 dreamliner), at a Schools Foundation luncheon. Seems an unlikely place, but there it was - an advertisement that brimmed with inspiration and good feeling. You know the way I mean - where you forget they're trying to sell you something. The keynote speaker was Bob Watt from Boeing, and though I'd usually have a touch of bitterness about his creatively slipping a plug in for the company - this time I'm letting it slide.

His words were genuine and meaningful. He spoke of intellectual horsepower, persistence and creativity. Then of the constant changes in the world - saying, "change is good as long as we can see it as a challenge and not as a crushing reality".

At first this quote struck me as exactly what I needed to hear, I was prepared to write a glowing letter saying so. Except that now, twelve hours later, I'm less enamored by the sentiment. The question, "what if I am (temporarily) tired of challenges?" has crept into my mind several times. His words are good, and they certainly apply to the world in which we live. In my case, though, I think a respite is in order. I agree change (in moderation) can be good. At this moment though, I'd like to get my bearings. So, if there must be change - I'd like only good changes from here on out.

Okay?

begin

"You can't prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair." ~ Chinese proverb
======================================================

I'm back to reading more often. Still, I have more books than time to read them - but they are a joy to have around. They're the kind of companions that can sit with you for hours without complaint. Friends waiting, happy for the company. Or maybe inanimate objects incapable of movement, until the reading begins.

what the duck

A friend sent me this comic strip the other day. I giggled for at least five minutes ; ) People have actually said this very thing to me, though I wasn't quite as humorously sarcastic in my reply. ; ) You can find out more about WTD @ http://www.whattheduck.net/

home again, briefly

My footprints on the beach (too cold for barefoot, Lone) ~ Seattle, WA ~ 03.22.07

Small waves heading in @ Alki Beach ~ Seattle, WA ~ 03.22.07

Today was a typical day, weather-wise, in Seattle. Overcast and rainy at times. I had a chance to stop at Alki Beach for a few minutes in the late morning. Click here for some of the sights and sounds via a 2.5mb video.

Yes John, I did pay tribute to your favorite coffee place while I was there. : )

listening to Superstition by Stevie Wonder

inspiration

Some days are just like that. Show up late, and with the wrong order - or the wrong words. Some days no matter what we do, things continually head off track and we wonder why? Where's the inspiration? One thing after another, deep breath or no - out of sync we remain. This is how I imagine the pizza guy feels right now, as he's gone away to find the right order. I hope he finds his inspiration along the way.

forgetting to remember

Somehow I forgot about some photos I shot back in November last year. Found them today, here's one from that shoot.

Ferry on Puget Sound - Seattle, WA - 11.02.06

expect the unexpected

On Wednesday I woke up to sounds of the cat pawing at the blinds. He's a bit of an alarm clock that way. So I got up, pulled open the blinds and what to my wondering eyes did I see? Snow. "No way!", those were the words that escaped my lips without pause. See the snow here.

where i'm at

I was caught off guard. Shocked that just one day prior things were somewhat fine and normal, and the next they were so far from fine that every single thing outside [the situation] was suddenly viewed as insignificant, unimportant.

It's been five and a half months today. Five and a half months since my mom died. It's still hard to believe. I'm completely amazed that the world did not stop turning. I was sure it would, but not even a pause.

I don't know what's normal when something like this happens but I'm still having a hard time. It's not that I'm angry. It's that I miss her terribly. The tears still flow without much notice.

She was in the hospital for three weeks. I didn't go to work. But school - I felt (at the time) I couldn't get out of. It was an online writing class and I didn't finish, but while I was trying - I wrote about my mom, and the situation.


==================================================
(This is the rough draft I submitted, seems I've misplaced the final version - oh well.)

It's after 3 o'clock AM on Tuesday, August 22, 2006. I sit in a chair, feet propped on the air vent beside a hospital bed. The room is stark, mocking our circumstance. Curtains hang on curved gliders left there to divide the room. A white board keeps track of the date and the name of the night nurse, Jordan. A clock, another reminder of time – ticking away.

I made the move to Seattle three years ago. My mom had been hospitalized, the emphysema was acerbated; I was too far away. The year before she had chosen to make a work-related move here alone, far from the family. Still I needed to be closer, just in case. In the past few months, we have reached the ‘in case’ phase of the journey.

Tonight, as has become the norm, the rhythm of her breathing is irregular. I've adjusted to the sound, that’s what we humans do; we adjust. Soon they will be in to administer another breathing treatment. She'll grumble, but comply. Yes of course she'll comply; she wants to keep breathing.

Our day has been rough, a series of intense moments. A grim picture was painted early on. Most days you can count on people to edit their words, soften the tone. Today we were plainly told that my mom is teetering on the edge. Her lungs have not worsened, but her body is becoming less able to compensate for their shortcoming. Her breathing, at rest, would compare to you or I constantly climbing a staircase without stopping 24 hours a day. That's how hard she has to work for each breath; no rest stops. The longer she climbs the harder it gets.

Current hope rests on a machine called a bi-pap ventilator. It sits beside her hospital bed on a shiny, tray-like stand with five wheels circling. Hope for her future, a hero. Mom thinks it’s a villain, a bully. It forces air through a tube, into a mask -- like a wind tunnel. Its job is to push air into her lungs and hold them open so that she can breathe and her muscles, relax.

Best-case is those muscles will repair from the marathon they've been running. Worst-case they don't and we have to move to intensive care -- where the options are few.

This is the news I relayed, by phone, to my brother in Indiana. He was silent -- I wondered if I had lost the call. But I knew my words were to the point and hard to hear. I continued, telling him that mom had cried when the doctor left the room. And how I tried not to cry as I attempted to soothe her fear, all the while still absorbing the doctor’s words as they bounced around in my head. I repeated what I had said to her, hoping it would also resonate with him, "It’s okay. It's better that we know now, it's better. Knowledge can soothe the fear of the unknown". He broke through to ask when he should fly out. I said I didn't know.

Similar phone calls were held in a series to other family members, mom's siblings. Each reacting in their own way, as individuals do. It felt odd to be the messenger, all ears available to the youngest. Questions, there were plenty – answers there were few. This is where we are, my family and I. Caught in a wind tunnel, holding on for life.

I had peppered the doctor with questions though, admittedly, I had a hard time pairing what he said to thoughts in my mind. His words were clear, but somehow not making sense. I think I’m asking him the same questions every day. Though there’s no mistake his words were meant to prepare us for what’s ahead.

The day moved quickly and I’m losing chunks of time. I’ve taken to making lists of what happens each day so I can prove to myself time didn’t pass without action. I have no idea how long I can deprive myself of sleep. It’s necessary right now, since some of the medicines cause anxiety and it rips me up to leave her here, alone and miserable.

It’s been said that there’s nothing I can do for my mom. That's not a phrase I can digest, I always think there’s something. That statement, “there’s nothing you can do”; it’s a trigger for me. Brings either tears or anger, occasionally both. In this case, it’s true – I can’t breathe for her. Only be there for her, that’s what I can do.

roads

(This image is three stitched together)

"Grab your coat, and get your hat, Leave your worry on the doorstep Just direct your feet, To the sunny side of the street." ~ Dorothy Fields

"Adventure is worthwhile." ~ Amelia Earhart

listening to Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Rae

from above

Cloud shadows ~ somewhere over Colorado ~ Christmas Day 2006

Lines dancing ~ somewhere over Colorado ~ Christmas Day 2006

Roadways ~ somewhere over Colorado ~ Christmas Day 2006

are you who you want to be?

"A man is what he thinks about all day long."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
~ Thomas Edison

"The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow, but the rainbow won't wait while you do the work."
~ Unknown

what's the matter?

Beautiful area, but what of that ugly air hovering? ~ Seattle, WA ~ 12.08.06

short days of winter

Mt. Rainier from the North ~ Seattle, WA ~ 12.07.06

"God gave us memories so that we might have roses in December."

--James M. Barrie

precipitation

Blue sky peeks through briefly, but more snow on the way ~ near Maltby, WA ~ 11.27.06

No snow down here, snow up there ~ between Monroe and Duvall, WA ~ 11.27.06

Water droplets on a leaf ~ 11.27.06

"Now is the time. Needs are great, but your possibilities are greater."

- Bill Blackman

the sky is falling

Snow @ (approx.) 48ft. above sea level ~ 11.26.06

It's snowing! The weather people said it would, but we all know that sometimes their predictions don't always see fruition. See a (2.5MB) video of the beginning of the snow here. I say the beginning, because they're saying 1-4 inches.

I went into a store when it was just turning from pouring rain to snow. Came out 20 minutes later to a parking lot of cars covered with snow, though the roads were still clear.

just keep swimming

Deception Pass, Washington ~ 09.16.06

Cargo ship on Puget Sound, Seattle ~ 09.20.06

Cotton candy vendor, Indianapolis ~ 10.07.06

Indiana Ice mascot, Indianapolis ~ 10.07.06

"When you get to the end of all the light you know and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly." ~ Edward Teller

letting a little light in

A rainbow ~ 10.29.06

Spaceneedle ~ 11.17.06

View of a storm brewing over the Puget Sound ~ 11.21.06

Fake flowers in a window ~ 11.21.06

"So long as we are loved by others I should say that we are almost indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend."

- Robert Louis Stevenson